What to Do When Someone in Your Youth Group Down in the Dumps

Everyone has off days. It’s part of life. Maybe a student bombed a test in school, got into it with one of their friends, got some bad news or straight up just woke up on the wrong side of the bed (we’ve all been there). They may not even know why they’re in a mood, but as a fellow student or one of the youth ministers, you’ll probably notice it. That’s what community is all about. 

Students don’t have to show up “on” to every gathering or ready to dominate in the world’s most competitive game of dodgeball. Sometimes, they may just want to walk in and shrug at everything, and that’s okay. So here’s what you can do when you notice someone in your youth group is a little down in the dumps:

Noticing When Someone’s Having an Off Day 🌧️

Fellow students, you know your friends. And fellow youth group ministers, you know your kiddos. If someone is acting a little different, more than likely, you’re going to notice. Maybe someone who’s usually all-in during team-building activities is taking more of a side role. Maybe someone who’s usually super talkative during small groups is keeping to themselves. Or maybe the food lover doesn’t get excited when the snacks or pizzas roll out (now that’s a serious sign). Whatever the case is, the point isn’t to figure out what’s “wrong” with them. It’s just to notice and reach out.

Starting With a Simple “Hey, is Everything Okay?” 👋

If you think your friend or student is having an off day, you don’t need to prepare a big speech. A quick “hey, everything okay?” or “you good?” while you’re grabbing a snack or before the next activity starts can be enough. If they say “yeah, I’m fine,” leave it at that. Don’t force, and don’t push. You can let someone know you care without turning on a big bright light and pretending like they’re under interrogation.

Listening Without Fixing 👂

If they open up to you about something that’s bothering them, all you have to do is listen. Pretend you’re the ear emoji. It may be hard, but avoid giving advice or coming up with a bunch of solutions (this is where you pretend you’re the zipped mouth emoji, LOL). A lot of times when people are feeling down, they just want to vent. You’re there to let them get it all out. And a validating nod or “I know how you feel” never hurts. 😉

Making Them Smile or Laugh 😅

Sometimes, the nicest thing you can do is make someone smile or, even better, give them a laugh. Some laughter can be a great way to lighten the mood or brighten their day just a little bit. No need to prepare a full stand-up comedy routine, but when the moment’s right, nudge them and bring up that inside joke from the last retreat. You’ll probably get that little eye roll before a chuckle. But if you see they’re not in the mood for jokes, don’t force it. The best thing to do may just be to sit quietly next to them or leave them alone altogether. Follow their lead. 

Youth Ministers: Being Present Without Overdoing It 🤝

Youth ministers and leaders, you can help too. If one of your students seems quieter than usual or a little off in some way, a quick check-in lets them know that you noticed and you’re there if they need you. Give them some simple reassurance or comforting and encouraging words. Make sure they feel included in the group activity that night without forcing it or putting them on the spot. When the moment’s right, pull them aside and ask if they’d like you to take a second to pray with them. If so, keep the prayer simple and genuine. No need to turn one rough day into a lengthy sermon.

At some point, everyone in your youth group is going to have one of those days. Someone’s going to walk in tired, stressed, anxious or not quite themselves. What matters is creating a culture in your group where everyone feels welcome and comfortable, even when they’re feeling off. And really, that support and sense of community is what being part of a youth group is all about. 🫶